Honestly, Pregnancy

**I had many--as you can imagine--hilarious pictures to accompany this post.   Except maybe for Article 3 below.  But blogger was being weird and I deleted them instead of trying to solve the problem.  Happy uninterrupted reading!

I realize I am about to rant with very little context to how easy my pregnancy has been.  Forgive me. I love feeling the baby move, but I loathe some other things with a burning passion.  Overall I've had a super smooth pregnancy.  Matt and I didn't have trouble getting pregnant.  We are incredibly fortunate.  In fact, knowing those things so very well I almost hate myself a little for writing this post, but I'm going to anyway.  I need to unload a short list of things that--at 34 weeks--I'm over about being pregnant.

Of course there are the givens: I miss sleeping on my stomach (watching football players being tackled was making me jealous), miss caffeine (Matt has decided to finally start to drink coffee, that freewheeling bastard) and miss alcohol.  But aside from the Tweedledee, Tweedledumb, and No F#@&ing S%*t of pregnancy (and the typical anxieties) here are my special top six:

1) I will not miss launching myself out of bed at night to pee for the tenth time.  It's not the waking up.  It's that I'm severely testing my wrist strength every time I try to hurl the extra 50 pounds I've added in the last 8 months out of our low bed in the middle of the night.

 2) I know that, biologically speaking, it's an amazing feat and will help keep baby fed but I would really like my nipples to return to their regular color, thankyouverymuch.  I would like to wear a white sleep shirt and feel sexy again, not like an orangutan on National Geographic.  Sleep Shirt Bonus Request: I would also like to fit into the shirt Matt got me from one of his favorite Durham food trucks.  Not fitting into a food truck shirt also = not sexy.

3) Oooo, serious one.  I will not miss the guy at work looking at me like I'm a saint for not aborting this baby each time we pass in the hallway.  This feeling is based on a real life conversation with him in which I never mentioned my views on abortion, let alone abortion as an option.  I hope no one can relate to that one.

 4) Applesauce cravings have GOT to go.  JUST KIDDING!  Applesauce is the food of the gods and Johnny Appleseed is a goddamn national treasure.

5) Sitting sucks.  Laying down sucks.  Walking around is the only thing that feels good and--oh yeah--it's 3:16am right now.

6) And let's end on a high note: I cannot wait for wiping to be easy again.



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